People, including children, are not motivated by external rewards and punishments, but by feelings of belonging and significance in the world. Adlerian psychology takes into consideration what the child is thinking, feeling, and deciding about themselves rather than only considering their behavior.
Natural and Logic Consequences vs. Punishment-
Where did we get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, we have to make them feel worse first? Children do better when they feel better. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. We should focus on solutions, not punishments or rewards. We shouldn’t rescue children from their own life experiences. We should let them experience disappointment, guilt, shame, joy, elation, sadness, and anger so they can learn how to feel and express all of their emotions.
Setting Limits-
Children need to feel unconditional love and acceptance from the adults who care for them. We should talk to them, listen to them, play with them, sing with them, laugh with them, and learn from them. We should give them choices whenever possible. We should get down on their level, look them in the eyes, and speak using a calm voice. We should accept all of their emotions and help them find words to express them. We should also give them firm limits by following through with our word, with dignity and respect. We should give them the responsibility of working out their own problems. Our main goal should be to help children develop an internal locus of control, instead of relying on external means for controlling their behavior. We are human, too. When we make mistakes we should apologize and change our behavior. We should give them time to react and time to make decisions about their own behavior.
Do you want to know more about the positive discipline philosophy and learn how you can apply the tools and principals in your own family?
Natural and Logic Consequences vs. Punishment-
Where did we get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, we have to make them feel worse first? Children do better when they feel better. Mistakes are opportunities to learn. We should focus on solutions, not punishments or rewards. We shouldn’t rescue children from their own life experiences. We should let them experience disappointment, guilt, shame, joy, elation, sadness, and anger so they can learn how to feel and express all of their emotions.
Setting Limits-
Children need to feel unconditional love and acceptance from the adults who care for them. We should talk to them, listen to them, play with them, sing with them, laugh with them, and learn from them. We should give them choices whenever possible. We should get down on their level, look them in the eyes, and speak using a calm voice. We should accept all of their emotions and help them find words to express them. We should also give them firm limits by following through with our word, with dignity and respect. We should give them the responsibility of working out their own problems. Our main goal should be to help children develop an internal locus of control, instead of relying on external means for controlling their behavior. We are human, too. When we make mistakes we should apologize and change our behavior. We should give them time to react and time to make decisions about their own behavior.
Do you want to know more about the positive discipline philosophy and learn how you can apply the tools and principals in your own family?
Developing Capab;e Young People
Tiny Tribe Parent Education Night
Wednesday, February 8, 2012 6:00-8:00pm
If interested, please email Jena at jenainghram@yahoo.com
Tiny Tribe Parent Education Night
Wednesday, February 8, 2012 6:00-8:00pm
If interested, please email Jena at jenainghram@yahoo.com
Jena has a BA in Human Services from Western Washington University and sixteen years of early childcare experience. Since 1996, she has worked as a nanny, an infant teacher, toddler teacher, preschool teacher, mentor teacher, program supervisor, and director. For the past seven years she has operated a small home-based childcare and preschool program, called Tiny Tribe, in West Seattle. In 2008, she and her husband, Scott, became the parents of their now three-year old daughter, Layla. Jena is a trained facilitator of Steven Glenn's “Developing Capable Young People” parenting series. She loves working with children and considers it her life's work.
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