From the book "Parents Who Love Too Much" by Jane Nelson and Cheryl Irwin
Every animal in the animal kingdom, except humans, knows the importance of weaning. They instinctively know that young animals will not become adult animals (and won't survive long as adults should they be lucky enough to make it that far) unless they are weaned.
Mother animals are not influenced at all by the fact that their offspring do not enjoy the weaning process (actually the mothers don't enjoy it much, either). Have you ever watched a young animal try to nurse after its mother has decided it's time to wean? Every time a colt or calf tries to suckle, the mother animal uses her head to butt him away. It does not matter how hard the young animal tries; the mother knows that weaning is essential to self-reliance and survival.
Differences and Similarities-
Yes, humans are different from the rest of the animal kingdom, but there are some similarities. The similarities are that human children also need to be weaned to develop the self-reliance that will help them survive more successfully in society. The weaning isn't only from the breast or bottle (although most mothers can tell you that process can be hard enough); human parents must wean their children- gradually and lovingly- from emotional and physical dependence.
A primary difference between between animal mothers and human mothers is that humans sometimes allow their emotions to take precedence over the long-term good of their children. A human mother tries to wean her child. The child cries. The mother can't stand it, so she gives in. This mother has just made a huge mistake in the name of love. She has loved her child "too much" to let that child suffer for the moment- and has just insured greater suffering (for both of them) later on.
Too often human mothers (and fathers) give their children what they want instead of what they need. Loving parents would be unlikely to do this if they understood what they are hurting their children instead of helping them. Here is a list of just a few things children want, followed by what they actually need:
Wants- Mommy to help me get to sleep.
Needs- To learn to sleep by myself.
Wants- To sleep in mommy's bed.
Needs- To sleep in my own bed.
Wants- To dress me.
Needs- Teach me to dress myself and then don't give in and do it for me.
Wants- Every toy I see on tv or in the store.
Needs- To empathize with my feelings while not giving in, and to show me how I can earn and save the money to buy my own.
Wants- Mommy and daddy to solve my problems.
Needs- To learn to solve my own problems (with support from mom and dad).
Wants- Mommy and daddy to protect me for experiencing problems or being upset.
Needs- Mommy and daddy to have faith in me to handle and survive problems.
Wants- To rescue me when I make financial mistakes.
Needs- To show empathy while brainstorming with me about what I learned and how I can fix it.
Wants- To buy me a car.
Needs- Help me figure out how to buy my own car.
Wants- To rescue me when I can't make the car insurance payments.
Needs- To hold my car keys until I can make the insurance payments again.
Wants- To let me do whatever I want.
Needs- To work with me on setting limits that are respectful to all concerned.
Wants- No lectures, blame, shame, or punishment.
Needs- No lectures, blame, shame, or punishment, but respectful discussions (family meetings or one-to-one) for joint problem solving.
Wants- To borrow money.
Needs- To have a good track record of repayment or to hear (in a kind but firm voice) no.
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